My emotional support dog

 

Something very unfortunate happened to my phone yesterday and it was quite devastating, to say the least. I woke up and as usual reached for my phone and began using it as is my custom. I started chatting with friends. Started surfing the internet, you know, just your usual morning and as I was typing on it I realized that there was a side that was feeling particularly higher than usual and I thought maybe the atm card I keep in my phone case was in a weird angle and when I opened the case up I got the shock of my life. 

My battery had swelled up!! Now I know you're gonna want to know why and I'm just gonna come right out and say it. I have the worst phone charging habits known to man. I'm actually shocked it took the battery this long to give up on me and my terrible habits but yeah, it finally gave up. When I saw the swelling I wasn't fazed at first. I was just like nope this isn't going to ruin my day because I was having an amazing day until that moment. So I carried on with my day as if nothing was wrong. All is well that ends well right? Right? No, wrong. I made the mistake of googling "battery swelling on iPhone x" and my oh my did Google not have a lot to say about my predicament. Google basically said that if I even attempted to charge that phone I would regret it because I would obviously burn down the house and that's when the panic set in.

If you are following this closely you will obviously predict correctly that it is at that point that my day was ruined. I am (almost) 27 years old and as I prepared to leave the house to go about my adult life I kept crying. I warmed my food and that triggered tears. I put water in my bottle and boom, tears. I got dressed and yes you guessed it, tears. I was a mess, over my phone battery swelling up. Not a life or death situation, just my phone deciding it might be time for a new one, and the waterworks would not stop. Usually, music does the trick but on this day, I couldn't turn on my music and let it soothe me as I took a walk to get a bus so I could carry on with life. I walked that dreadful 2km alone, with my thoughts. That whole afternoon I had nothing to fill the silence in my head or to quiet the noise in my head. It was just me and my thoughts and my thoughts were making me cry.

By 9pm last night I had come to the conclusion that I do not know who I am without my phone. The last question I asked myself before I went to bed and the first I asked when I woke up was, "Who am I without my phone?" Dear reader, right now it is 2345hrs and I don't have an answer. I have no idea who I am without my phone. Admitting this is so sad because I actually do not even spend that much time on social media. Do you know how some people have emotional support dogs? I think I have an emotional support phone. I need it to be functional and ready for me to use as and when I need it. Even if what I need is to go through old pictures or old texts or make a call or text someone. Having it within my reach is comforting. I just wanna know if it's there. I need it there as my constant, in case I'm having a bad day or an extremely good one but there's no one to share it with. Sometimes I just wanna take it out of my pocket, unlock it then lock it again and put it back in my pocket.

As I write this and as you read this I think we both realize that this is giving addiction right? Right? Right! It is giving addiction. And I should probably give us advice on how not to right? Right? Yeah sure I guess. But the thing is I don't know if I am the right person to be giving that advice because as we speak I am in the process of trying to fast-track my fixing that battery. I want my metaphorical emotional support dog back! I'd do just about anything to have it fixed right this second. 

I know I'm not the only one who has an emotional support "dog" and needs to find a balance so the "dog" is not the be-all and end all so I'm gonna outline possible steps to remedy this addiction. So here goes:

1. Find a hobby (Reading got me through today sane. If it weren't for the book I was reading I probably would have cried the day away)

2. Make a friend (Instead of just interacting on the phone touch grass! Meet people and have conversations with them in real life)

3. In social situations remember the awkwardness is mainly in your head (Just start that conversation, you won't die)

4. Three was too little advice so I said 4 but this is my conclusion. I love that I know I have been using my phone as my emotional support "dog" because now I know that needs to change. Now if you see me whip my phone out of my pocket for something don't judge me, these things time. I'll get there and so will you (Coz I know I'm not the only one).