Are you there God? It’s me, Amy.

I have had a form of writer's block for the longest time, and saying it has been frustrating is an understatement. If there is a word that explains frustration at a deeper level than the word frustrated, that is exactly how I have been feeling because I have 0 motivation or inspiration to write, obviously, the post preceding this one broke that streak of writer's block. I had the idea to write this post a while ago, but because of this block, I could not sit down to write it.

I have felt like I have nothing to write because I did not have that one idea that was bubbling inside me, demanding to be let out. I demand perfection from myself, and if it feels like it's going to be anything less than perfect, I'm just not going to do it. The funny thing about this though is that even when at conception I feel like a post is perfect when I post it I jump straight into thinking that it's actually trash and belongs in the bin [I know it's not I just tend to err on the side of negativity which is nonsense and I refuse to allow it to take space in my head anymore]. When you actually think about it, my desire for perfection is irrational and I shouldn't put that much pressure on myself, but this post is not about that, I just digressed like I love to, story, sub story, then back to story.

OK, now let's get into it. You may be wondering why I am asking if God is there, and you are right to wonder. I know God is there because he lives in me, duh! I just sometimes have a bit of difficulty hearing him speak. I know I am not the only one who's here because this particular topic comes up a lot in conversation, which is odd. After all, the Bible so clearly says, “My sheep hear my voice,” it actually begs the question, “Am I his sheep?”

The question is rhetorical because again, duh! I am his sheep, but why then do I not hear his voice? I have been asking myself this question for months, and I have concluded that God is speaking every single day, but I'm either not listening to what he's saying, or what he's saying is not what I want to hear. Most times it's the latter for me. When I go to God, I have an answer in my mind, and if that's not what I get, I conclude that nothing has been said. Dear reader, I hate to admit this, but I am actually the problem

I first got the idea to write this particular post in March it was during a church conference and I was having a conversation with a friend of mine who also happens to be the biggest fan of this blog [shout out to you MJ] and he was asking me why I hadn't been writing my answer was “writers block”. He really tried to coax me out of the block, but I was so stubborn and set in the fact that I had writer's block, I was not willing to let go of the block. I wanted to give this amazing idea that came straight from heaven, but I refused to listen to what MJ was saying.

At the time, it didn't click that God was actually speaking to me through him, I was just not prepared to listen to that. This rings true for me in a lot of areas in my life. Sometimes I even hear the inward witness, and I just don't follow it. I want to hear God in a particular way, and I want him to say what I want. I have a script, and God's part is to read his lines and follow the script.

Jeremiah 29 verse 11 says, “For I know the plans I have for you...” The I here is God. He is the script writer he gets to write the script and I have to keep going back to him so I can refer to the script I cannot have lines laid out for him and expect him to just fall in line and go with the flow my part is to just listen my part is to pay attention to what God is saying my part is to refer to the script that he has already written. The script writer knows best. When the script writer sits down to write the script, they have the idea and the outcome already in their mind. They know how the story is going to end. You just have to trust that the way they have written it is perfect, and it will work. God is not just a scriptwriter; he is the ultimate scriptwriter. In Psalm 139 verse 16, the Bible says, “your eyes saw my unformed substance in your book were written every one of them the days that were formed for me when as yet there was none of them”.

The ultimate script writer has written the story of your life. The ultimate script writer is continuously speaking. He is speaking through the people around us. He is speaking through nature. His voice is so loud in everything that we do. Are we taking time to listen? Are we on the lookout, ready to hear him speak, are we listening, or are we putting words in the scriptwriter's mouth? Listen, he is speaking. God is there.