Godliness with contentment

 

I had never realised it but a conversation I had today with someone switched the lightbulb on and it clicked that I always focus on whats not there and not what is right in front of me. Nomatter how good I have it my focus always circles back to whats missing. I have a good job? Oh its actually not in my field of study! I am in school? Oh you actually should be working! I have good friends? Oh they actually like their other friends better than you! I am healthy? Oh actually you should be married by now! I got new white shoes? Oh but you don't have black ones! I am loved! Oh no, not really, you are tolerated.

The back and forth is endless. Everything good is shut down by the prospect of something better and I have been stuck in that trap. A friend of mine tried to explain this concept to me a couple of weeks ago and only now is it clicking. He tried to show me the beauty of something that had happened but I instead focused on what it should have been and I totally ignored what it actually was. Even when I get what I think is ideal there always seems to be something better than that and I find myself constantly reaching for things that are not there and ignoring whats right in front of me.

Contentment. The only area in my life that I can confidently say I get content is when I eat. I have mastered the art of eating and when I am full I am content. I do not eat more than what fills my stomach ,and rarely do I reach for something sweet soon after a meal just for the sake of it. I take what is there, eat it and I am satisfied. The thing is, I wasn't always like this. I used to eat for fun. I would eat not for sustenance, but just because the food is there and I can eat it. Or just because I'm bored let me "tambisa shaya" (make my jaws move). Sometime last year I realised I had a very unhealthy relationship with food and I slowly began to train my body to eat when I need to and to stop when it was enough. It wasn't easy and sometimes I had to "starve" myself. I say it in quotes because half the time I wasn't even hungry but my body's cue to eat was boredom or the existence of a little snacky snack in my proximity. In the end that discipline was instilled in me and all because I decided to be content. I decided to focus on what was there (the food already in my stomach) and not what wasn't there (the hunger that made it seem like the snack needed to be eaten there and then).

If I can do this with food I can apply it everywhere else in my life right? I believe so. And because even though this blog is mine you so happen to be reading it so I will say this to you as I tell myself, "Be content!" Focus on what is right in front of you. Whats in front of you is exactly what it is and is worth your gratitude. There is no need for it to be more for you to appreciate it. Take it as it is and appreciate it. More will come and when it does come appreciate it as well. Wanting more is okay but it must never be at the expense of disregarding what you have. You will be happier when you focus on whats there instead of fixating on whats not there.